OK, so you might be the one to lure her into the Sapphic tribe. You might end up running off into the sunset with her. But the chances are you won’t. Sorry, buddy.
8. Remain rational.
She put a kiss at the end of her text message. She asked you to the cinema. She said your hair looked rad. She lightly touched your arm as she laughed at your joke. When you’re totally smitten, it’s so easy to forget that most of your other friends do the same things. Meh.
7. Know that a kiss can sometimes just be a kiss…
The “signs” may well go a little further. The vodka was a-flowin’, the bottle span in your direction… and suddenly her lips were on yours. But before you book the wedding and ask her who’s going to spread for the turkey baster, consider the fact that most straight women have kissed a female friend without it meaning anything apart from the fact that they’re either drunk, curious or – most likely – a mixture of both.
6. Don’t push it.
It can be tempting to romanticize the rejection, envisaging yourself as some kind of troubadour who is slave forever to a forbidden love. But if you want this chick to stay your friend, and you don’t want to be a laughing stock, please please put the poetry away. Trust me, I’ve been there with the poetry (cringe x 1,000).
5. Try and take some time out.
Trust me on this one. You’re going to want to be with her as much as she’ll let you get away with it, but it’s not going to help. It will make it way worse. We know she’s a juicy little carrot but you’ll just feel like more and more of a stupid ass the longer you follow her around.
4. Distract yourself!
Take up abseiling. Knit your way to Egypt. Shoot yourself out of a cannon. Anything but checking her Facebook every five minutes and playing her favorite song on repeat.
3. Meet new people.
Yes, for a little while – maybe even longer, alas – lots of folk will look a bit like her when you squint. You’ll be seeking a her-clone. It will be desperate and grim. But eventually, if you put yourself out there enough and don’t hide away, someone else will probably turn your head.
2. Evaluate the friendship.
One of the craziest straight girl crushes I ever had was on someone who stuck with me despite the awkwardness and is still one of my closest friends. She put up with me completely freaking over our drunk kiss. She put up with me crying on her. She let me down gently and maturely. She’s a true friend and we got through it. Time out, distractions and meeting new people totally worked. Now it seems really weird to think I ever wanted to be anything but friends with her.
1. Don’t get angry with her for being straight.
It’s not her fault she’s straight. Hell, someone has to be. Remember that time you fancied a les/bi girl who didn’t fancy you back? Oh, wait – all those times. Did you decide every single les/bi girls was evil? No, you did not (well, maybe for a little while). Sometimes people don’t want to get in your pants, regardless of orientation. Welcome to life.